There is so much mystery in our lives, yet often we run around, attempting to find solid ground and grasp at a sense of control.
This is my story of how after much struggle and fear, I learned to surrender… and trust.
Through my words, I hope to remind you that the mystery doesn’t need to invoke fear. Instead, it can invoke a sense of wonder, awe, humility, and the deepest sense of freedom in the act of surrendering.
May mystery set you free.
There have been times in my life when I thought I knew exactly who I was. I felt on fire with purpose. I felt unstoppable, and like big things were destined for me. I felt a way that many of us want to feel… and I loved it so much that I actually got attached to it.
So when a giant tidal wave came to wipe me clean and reflect to me where I was being asked to let go, I naturally resisted.
“No! THIS IS WHO I AM! This is what I want to do with my life! I’m going to FIGHT for it!”
These were some of the words running through my head.
And yes, sometimes, we are absolutely meant to fight for what we believe in.
However, it is our responsibility to ask ourselves if it is authentic to fight for what has been, or if it is a time to RELEASE and make way for the new… and the mysterious.
Some people describe it as finally letting go of the rock in the wild river you’ve been holding onto… and learning to surrender to its flow, realizing it will carry you to where you are meant to be.
Trusting your head will stay above water, and your body knows what it is doing.
Relaxing into the current of where life wants to take you, rather than imposing a belief on where you “should” be.
Through all I’ve been through, I’ve come to learn to check in with my heart and my intuition.
My mind and my ego will almost always want what is comfortable…
When in reality, what is comfortable isn’t always what is going to serve us, and the world, in the best way.
So, I had to learn to surrender to the mystery.
Yet again, after resisting, here I was– fully submerged in the act of releasing, surrendering, and letting go.
And still sometimes doubting it.
Some people say that commitment is the act of recommitting.
If that’s the case, you can be committed to trusting, and consistently find the need to remind yourself to align back to trust again.
It’s okay to waver in your trust.
We all do it. It’s fantastically human.
Something I learned this last time through this process of death and rebirth is that it requires a healthy balance.
Most of the time, even though it feels like we need to let go of absolutely EVERYTHING, oftentimes, we don’t. We must balance the surrender with boundaries that are flexible in some ways, and firm in others.
It’s not about thinking our way through it.
It’s about FEELING.
It’s about revealing.
It’s about reflecting, every step of the way, and making the best decisions we can with our full attention…
and with devotion to the process of transformation.
It takes strong intentions and a deep sense of faith (far beyond the mind) that ultimately, we are being guided to a place that is greater than what we could have imagined for ourselves.
I admit… it’s not always easy.
When my trust wavered and I found myself in a period of doubting, I allowed myself to grieve and mourn the pieces of myself and my life I was letting go of.
This is healthy…
Surrendering is an art.
Remember, as a powerful yet deeply sensitive woman, not to let your feelings cycle and circle, keeping you trapped.
Instead, let them move THROUGH you.
Surrender to the emotion and when you have felt it, let it be.
You can observe the patterns of your inner world without judgment, and continue to LOVE yourself as much as possible.
When we learn to release the story behind the emotion and see that the emotion isn’t the “problem,” we shift into a perspective of the student, learning from our deep well of emotional feminine wisdom.
Let go of the story.
Let go of the desire to grasp onto who you were,
so that you can truly make space for who you are…
and in that process, don’t spiral into doubt so deeply that you forget what is central and true for you, no matter what.
Find your anchor. Set intentions.
What is true for you?
Who has always been there for you?
What has always made you feel happy?
Keep these close to your heart on the journey.
Most of all, sister, remember that you are not alone.
You are never alone.
Many have gone through these rebirthing processes before you, and many will after you as well.
Each one of us has our own journey.
This is the making of your very own story of empowerment.
After the mystery, comes the renewal.
It’s even possible for mystery to exist within the renewal.
Make friends with the mystery.
Shake its hand.
Cuddle up close.
Listen to its medicine.
When you are ready,
you will emerge more beautiful and more authentic than ever before.
I fully believe in you in your process, sister.
This is sacred.
It’s a story older than time, and you are an initiate on the path that continues to teach us and uplift us into the truth of who we really are.
The mystery in me honors the mystery in you.
With all my heart,
Torie Michelle Feldman & the GS team