BIG Hearted Lessons - The Global Sisterhood
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FORGETTING

I believe that when we enter this world, we are whole, complete beings. We have a purpose to be here. To say it simply: our purpose is love. Life then gives us experiences that seem to break our hearts open, and we can find ourselves feeling the need to defend and shut down to survive as children in a world that doesn’t reflect our innate wholeness.

When I was a little girl, I created worlds with my imagination. Lush gardens. Valleys filled with wildflowers and rippling rivers. My dogs became wolves and I the wild jungle princess who knew all the plants that could heal. I did this for the sheer pleasure of imagining, because it was life-giving, as natural as breathing.

And then little by little I noticed that others were watching, judging, applauding, critiquing, telling me ways I could make these inner worlds better. As if my innermost creations were not good enough. Before I even knew what was happening, I shifted my motivation from creating for pleasure’s sake to creating to gain approval, placing others’ opinions and desires above my own heart’s desires and wisdom. I learned through experience that I needed the outer world to educate me in how to navigate my life: a priest, a mother, a father, a teacher, a marketer, a healer. Someone outside of me surely knows better than me about my needs, wants and desires.

My inner garden filled with the fruits of others’ hearts, the colors and shapes influenced and designed in ways that I could no longer distinguish “me” from “them.”

I began believing that my value stemmed from others’ validation–and more specifically from male validation. I blossomed in the attention and affection of others’ praise. I thought that if I created something–just for the joy of creating–it was without value, useless, sinful even. I believed that progress and production are to be valued above creativity, and if what I’m creating doesn’t have a utilitarian purpose, then what’s the point?

REMEMBRANCE

And then in moments of deep dreaming, or walking alone in the forest, I began hearing voices calling out to me…in the wind, in waves, in forms I cannot even identify or articulate. Gradually my heart began to stir, as I found and created spaces for it to breathe and explore the world. At first the voice felt a lot like anger, the anger of feeling like a doormat, of others “taking advantage” of my innocence and generosity. At least these were the voices in my head. Anger has a divine purpose, and can burn through illusion to help us see more clearly. But anger and resentment take a very heavy toll on one’s energy and cannot last for long without burning one into a heap of ash.

When I devoted time and space to dropping into my heart, I discovered that underneath the anger was this softer voice, encouraging me to stop hailing to others’ voices and shake off the tendrils of self-doubt. To carve out daily time and space to be still enough for long enough to get clear on what I want and need. To set boundaries. To wake up from the mental illusions and remember who I am inside my core. To discover for myself the true value of creating, imagining, and living from an awakened heart.

Just like you, I desire to be whole; to rememeber my inherent wholeness. Just like you, I desire to express myself with courage, compassion, confidence, while standing in my full power–with firm boundaries. In her book Rising Strong, author, speaker, and shame researcher Brené Brown describes what she calls “living BIG.” Brené encourages us to set Boundaries that are in Integrity with our needs and desires so that we can be Generous in assessing others’ motivations and intentions. She says that the people she knows who are the most courageous and open-hearted also have the clearest boundaries, and they are able to communicate their boundaries with kindness and firmness.

Recently I had an experience with a dear sister, with whom I had been very generous with my time and resources. Then at some point, she was still riding on my wave of generosity, and a gradual feeling of resentment started creeping into my awareness. Once I became aware of this, and because I love her and want to continue deepening our relationship, I knew I had to have a conversation about my boundaries and ask for clarity on her intentions, so that I can know what I’m agreeing to as we move forward. It took a great deal of courage to speak to her, but when I finally did, it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I felt liberated from my own internal prison of fear and resentment.

RECLAMATION

Living from a courageous heart is an art, a practice that you get better at over time. I feel nervous and shaky every single time I have one of these conversations about boundaries and stating my needs. Somewhere deep inside of me I believe that if I set boundaries with others, then I’m not being friendly. And friendliness is a quality I value highly. But I’m learning that I can’t be truly friendly when I don’t set boundaries or speak my authentic truth. Then I’m just avoiding the person and hiding from myself. It is a moment-to-moment choice, to listen to inner knowing, and value my truth enough to speak, act and stand up for it.

Even as I’m writing, I’m aware of you reading my words, and I find myself fighting the desire to please, wondering whether you will like or agree with what I’m writing. So, when I notice this, I focus on my heart, what it wants to say, and allow the words to pour through me.

The world is calling each of us to drop out of our minds–that are constantly concerned about what others think about us–down into the wise knowing of our hearts, so that we can realize our place as leaders–in our families, communities, wherever we find ourselves. Our hearts are activating us to speak, act and stand on behalf of our needs, values, boundaries, and morals. The time is now. This is a place where your voice is valued. We are here to listen…and cheer you on. Please join us, sister.

So now it’s your turn to ask yourself some questions and share with us in the comments below:

  • What is yours that you have set down, cut off, or given away?
  • What is your heart is asking you to reclaim?
  • What boundaries do you need to set to be in integrity with your heart?

With immense love,

The Global Sisterhood team

 

Written by Kat Lindsay

Comments

  1. andrealevasseur

    I have set down my sewing machine, my felting needles, and my art journal. I have cut off my yoga practice to ten minute bits. I have given away my power to a clock, a job, my children, my husband, and an illusion of safety.
    My heart is asking me to reclaim my creativity. It aches most of the time. My heart is overjoyed when I dance. My heart is allowed to speak when I write. This expression is still far too hidden.
    Oh, do I ever need to set boundaries! I need to build a container! On a firm foundation! My joints are too loose, my gates are too open. I need to post a KEEP OUT GUILT sign on it. I need a Shield of Protection against negativity. This will be House of Love, where I am free to create and contribute good on the planet.

    1. Global Sisterhood Admin Post author

      Hi Andrea,

      Yes, it is time to reclaim all of this for yourself, for your mother, your grandmother, your children. You are brave–to look at all of this, to see yourself, to allow yourself to feel. We also must feel it to heal it, sister. Yes to setting boundaries! Yes to your House of Love, darling sister! We feel you, support you and are here with you.

  2. WillowMoonCrone

    I had set down my desire to be a healer, believing that as bad as I wanted it to be, it just wasn’t my calling. Ow I know that I have always been a healer…. I just didn’t recognize it! Today, as a Crone, I am gathering the threads of my dreams around me once agin, and reclaiming my desire! I am working toward a goal to serve the terminally ill and their families. To be present for them, to listen to them, to show them love and kindness, to help start conversations that need to be had and show them that even in dying you can have joy and peace. I will need to set firm boundaries in what I can offer to these families as I am not a medical professional but an End of Life Doula. I can not physically nurse the body, but I can spiritually nurse the soul.

    1. Global Sisterhood Admin Post author

      Wow, Sister, yesssss!!! Reclaiming your desire. And your healing service to the terminally ill…thank you so much for your big hearted offering. I bow to you, dear one, for your very courageous heart!

  3. NadyaK

    I was extremely afraid to be myself tonight, I lost a big opportunity. Have no idea of I ever get another chance. Hope, if I ever get the next time, I will be brave enough to do it.

    1. Global Sisterhood Admin Post author

      Hi Nadya,

      It’s courageous to even acknowledge that you wish you had been braver. Life is full of other chances. It could be that that “big opportunity” isn’t the one that you needed to take, and that the path you’re going down now is leading you in the direction that spirit is leading. We believe in you, sister!

  4. RainbowWinds

    Hello Dear Sisters
    A few tears have come to my eyes as I read not only Kat’s post but the other comments. I recognize the same pains within myself as well as my own.
    I have lived a life in hiding. Tucked away just as my mother and grandmother had wanted. It was at that time a safety measure, when your different you stand out. I rebelled against them in my teen years. Flowers in my eyes and dreams of being the woman I wanted to grow into. I have always been attuned with nature, how cycles flow and grow. When they rest and awake again or simply just spread their seed. My heart has been big since the day I came into this world. Yet as I grew older I became quieter. I had a child and I couldn’t risk being that weird stand out woman any longer. Although I tried as hard as I could I couldn`t be anything other than myself. My colorful ways always found a way to flourish out. So then I hid from the world for awhile. I admit it I did it. I don’t regret it either. I stepped back after another toxic relationship and just lived. I ate food and laid around, I watched movies and read books. I rediscovered myself all over again, I began doing what I liked. I had really begun to love myself. The things I had experienced had got me to this point and I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I had laughed , cried got angry and did so with the comfort of myself. I did long for something though. I longed for a sisterhood. I reached out several times to other circles but found disappoint in most as they just wanted money from me or tried to direct me to solve my problems. I just needed someone to listen, somewhere I felt comfortable to be myself around other women who are just being themselves. When I found this website a year ago or so I sat back and watched. A lesson I learned in my journey in life, to watch and just take it in. I got cautious you see, heartbreaks etc… we sisters know those feelings. However I never saw that in this sisterhood, I watched and learned and eventually got the courage to read and look into starting a circle myself. I admit I am a little nervous but I am very confident in my ability to run this healing circle in my area. I know that because I know there are other women out there in my community just like me in need of a sisterhood just like this. So I thank you Kat, for giving me the courage to begin speaking my voice, and the ability to help other women and myself. I am looking forward to this journey and I feel honored and blessed to be part of this global sisterhood. I feel it in my spirit, deep within the calling. I am finally answering because you all have given me the courage. I thank you for sharing and giving me the sacred space to share my short story here . Blessings )0(

    1. Global Sisterhood Admin Post author

      Oh sister! I have tears welling up in my eyes reading your story, feeling your beautiful heart. Yes, you are the one to start the circle that you desire. The path of circles is one that is sometime challenging to explain to those who haven’t experienced it firsthand, and once you do, you get it. Circles have changed my life, the way I relate to myself and to my sisters. I trust more, feel more confident to be myself, and have found a place of leadership and acceptance within my community. I am so grateful–for your sharing, for your trust and courage too, dear heart. Thank you! With love, Kat

  5. Elle R

    Apologies, my last attempt to comment was interrupted by my trembling hands. I will attempt to be courageous, but I will switch to my computer. It’s keyboard is much more reliable than the phone, and can withstand some trembling. I have been searching for the strength to break free from hiding. I may take all night, but I will push myself to take this first step towards healing. As simple as it seems, a year has gone by and I have not been able to find my voice. I desperately need it back. Please, I am asking for patience. For kindness and for someone to care enough to hold me accountable. I need to face my fears. I need to start communicating. A stranger’s support is what I am in need of. Someone without the ability to judge me. Someone to listen without seeing me. Baby steps.

    1. Global Sisterhood Admin Post author

      Hi Elle, thank you for your courage to post here. We are here with you. We hold your hand, sister, because that’s what we do. We ask for help. We know there is courage and strength in our vulnerability, in the asking…and then we open to receive the outpouring of love that is available to us. We do this for each other. This is sisterhood. You are welcome here. With love, Kat

  6. Monica Lampe

    It all started with the ending of an abusive relationship, in which I developed an autoimmune disease, in 1998 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, and had to stop my child’s breastfeeding after one year to get medical treatment (would last a lifetime) which led me to search for natural solutions, I’m healed and the son now has 21 years old. In my personal healing process I went through several traditional and informal schools and therapeutic formations, aligning all of them with the training in Transpersonal Psychology – Integrative Energy Approach – AIT and Practitioner HeartMath® Coach & Practitioner Certification, in my Path . The cure happened during the training in Flower Therapies ( 2000),I systematized the AEM – Multidimensional Energy Alignment. And since then my purpose is to witness other people and especially women in their process of self-alignment, offering the tools I found in my Journey and seeking other tools that can help my sisters in this process self-healing. My purpose is to serve. So I’m s Grateful and Glad to be here.

    1. Global Sisterhood Admin Post author

      Wow, Monica!! Thank you for sharing some of your journey with us. What an inspiration your life has been! You really have turned your pain into gold, sister. Thank you so much for being here, for serving with a grateful heart, and sharing your story with this sisterhood. We are honored you are here.

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